Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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