i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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