A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
