I CAN MOONWALK!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
