I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
