It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
