Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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