So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Buhtt sex?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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