I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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