okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
