carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
