i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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