he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
