So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
