I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This house was built for laser tag.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
