im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
