Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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