I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
