why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
