Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
