You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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