Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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