so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
