theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
