3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just pynch a tree in the face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
