It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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