she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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