She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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