How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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