what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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