May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
