btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
