I feel like abortions should bother me more
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
