Umm I'm too high to move.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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