in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
