a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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