I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
