What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize