I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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