Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
