when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
