My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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