My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Never joke about your clitoris.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
