I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
