No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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