i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just cropdusted the office
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize