did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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