Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
