just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
