what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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