Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
