Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you never un-have a 4some
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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