now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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