After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
