We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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