my vag is so smooth its legendary
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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