Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
