Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
