I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
