addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
