i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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