i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
