its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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