Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
