Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
