you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
