if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
