capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
